Changes, updates and handling the emergency
- furlana
- Aug 30, 2019
- 6 min read
Pregnancy updates
My state has improved since the last time I posted an update! I was able to manage the anemia, by eating tons of cashew nuts, eggs, dairy and fish. It's just above the minimal bracket, but it's a huge success~
The second good news is that I am able to control the diabetes with solely my diet so far. I keep my blood sugar at around 100-120 (tops) an hours after each meal, which is a very good indicator that maybe I will be able to remain at home up until the very birth.
It has not been easy to keep this up. It's really hard to deliver the amount of calories I need for the baby while also avoiding sugars. My belly is so huge right now, I am almost unable to eat any meal (my stomach is so squished I can eat 2 sandwiches before I feel full) and I need to take breaks when I eat to digest half of the meal, before I make space for more. But I think I got this under control! I miss chocolate and ice-cream though... Especially during the heatwaves in Europe currently. It's really hard to breathe and survive this with my additional 15kg of belly.
But enough of health updates!
We have gotten quite a lot of essentials for the little guy by now and I am LOVING this. I can't remember last time I was so happy to get things I actually need.
We also got some amazingly cute lil clothes from out parents and we already have a second hand Moses's basket for him! We really have lovely parents, the both of us. I feel really attached to my parents in law and I think they like my company too. Which I never expected to happen after all these negative stereotypes out there.
Changes in my mind
I have to say though, over the past few months a lot has changed in the way I think and feel. It's really true what they say about pregnancy changing your life. And it's really hard to specify what exactly has changed, but overall it's A LOT.
For one I can say for sure, I learned that I am not invincible. I was always this sort of independent lone figther that felt like I don't really need anybody. It's quite arrogant, but it has proved true for most of my life that I had to deal with my problems on my own, becasue nobody was able to help me other than myself.
Well now this feeling has vanished. I feel really feeble and scared. I know I won't be able to make it through the day without people helping me. In a way I suppose I am more humble now than I ever was. I still try to take care of everything, organise all events, manage all the expenses, bills etc. But I start feeling I need help and I appretiate it when it comes.
Secondly I started to be really careful with people. Who I can trust, who is truly looking out for me and who is just here for taking more than they are giving. It has actually brought a weird sort of calm to make sure I am only around the people that truly want what is best for me and my family.
The obvious change is that I feel I want my life to become more stable. I don't want to risk things anymore. I want to be the best I can for my husband and the best I can for my baby. Generally for the first time I really feel like family comes first and I have no doubts about it.
I am also happy my approach to sex and kinks hasn't changed all too much, I hear a lot of women turn off during and after pregnancy. And while I certainly feel WAY less attractive right now, I am quite happy with the libido I have. It used to be stronger, but hey. I literally struggle breathing now.
I also suffer from this thing called pregnancy amesia... Which, I must say, is WAY worse than the 15kg belly I carry everyday. I forget things all the time. ALL THE TIME. I started to post notes all around the house, eveyrthing I need to do, I have to write down and set alarms for. I sometimes want to ask a question and forget what it was mid-sentence. Later I forget what answer I recevied. It's so annoying, it's killing me!
My husband laughs at me every time, becasue I used to be really sharp before. But I heard this is a common thing and if I practice my memory after pregnancy I will get back to the shape I was in before. So I decided I will learn a new language after I give birth. This will be my 5th language! And I am looking forward to it. Maybe French or Russian...
I also started learning the Polish sign language for relaxing my wrist after work. It's actually quite great! I get to learn a new language AND I get to bend and relax my wrist! Awesome stuff, I recommend that to all artists.
The general amount of new things I need to learn now about infants and how to take care of them is overwhleming. I feel like there should be some kind of extramural studies in babies. I know I probably don't need to know everything and most things will come natrually, but I still am my old control freak self and I simply can't let myself not know everything I can before delivery. So I read a lot and I ask a lot (and note it all down casue amnesia is fun) about everything.
There are a lot fo quite hard decisions I need to make in a very short time.
Well, luckily overall I have reduced my stress levels to a minimum now. All the factors that used to bother me before are gone, I try to focus on working, exercise, eating and looking through tons of cute baby accessories on the internet.
This whole pregnancy thing is going of for too long, seriously. 6 months is a long wait, but 9 is... uh, over the top. Anyway I'm sorry for the long rambling on about this, but the reason I post this on my blog rather than on my FA and Twitter etc. is because I don't want to swamp people who aren't interested in this topic with useless updates.
I also sort of feel like it's good to have some memories of how I felt and what I was going through gathered in one place, so I can get back to it one day and see how I grew and changed.
Emergency funds
Here are some good news, finally! The word has spread more than I expected and I want to thank SO MUCH each and every person who decided to help us in any way. Your donations, kind words of consolation, all the retweets and Telegram group sharing has helped us a great deal.
Counting the total so far, we have been able to gather (both from Ko-fi and direct PP donations) 44% of the total funds we need! This is an AMAZING amount and I am moved to tears by this and your messages that came along with the donations.
The Ko-fi emergency donations will remain open for a while longer now (up until the 20th of September, which is the deadline for paying this debt).
So if you'd like to help us further, here are the links:
And after the 20th I will announce who the 3 top supporters were to distribute the rewards for your donations. Thank you so much for this, this had brought so much hope into my life. I look forward to repaying this kindness to another soul in need when I dig myself out of my own hole.
We are working on gathering the remaining amount, but I am very happy to say that we almost have it all by now! It will of course make our lives harder for a short while, but we will be fine. I am positive that by the 20th we will have gathered the full sum.
Once again, thank you so much for this. It's really good to know there are so many lovely people I can rely on in a time of need.
And that is all for now!
Maybe one last thing I can say, I am working on commissions daily and am almost halfway through my current queue. All things I post on Patreon for now for early access, but a lot has been going on. I also listen to the Schoolism online courses I bought and I am very happy with them! Recommend 100%! I am learning a great deal of new things.
Cheers to everyone and thank you once again to all the lovely people who are helping us at this time of need!
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